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Unless you plan to spend $750 to cure an STD with one of Shkreli’s candy, health precaution is always sexier than being sick for banging the hottest chick in the club, or dude.   We’ve compiled high end and creative brands to stimulate your copulating sessions.

 

  • Keep It Classy by Chanel – $279 a dozen.

Everyone is capitalising on the season of love. Even Chanel, apparently. According to Trend Hunter, the luxury brand has created haute condoms that urge users to ‘keep it classy’ in the bedroom.

The condoms come in little white packets that bare Chanel’s iconic interlocking Cs as well as the aforementioned cheesy tag line. However, if you can find the 12-pack, it will cost you $279 (approx Rs 12,000). We say if because fashion website Refinery29 did a little investigating of their own and were told by Chanel store staff the condoms were a hoax. But it doesn’t hurt to look, does it?

 

       • Louis Vuitton Condoms – $68

If you’re willing to spend $68 for a twelve pack, you might be disappointed, as they are not actually associated with the company but have been designed by Irakli Kiziria for Design Provocation, according to a piece by Ileana Llorens of Huffington Post.

 

  • Marc Jacobs, REMEMBER, SAFETY FIRST! XXOO – $1.50 each

We’ve been accused of being a wee bit prone to wearing anything with labels. Hey, it’s not our fault! Blame our job. On any given day we can count two or three designers from head-to-toe-to-bag. Pretty awful, we know. But even we have to draw the line at some things, though they may come with a Marc Jacobs label. Yes, we’re talking about an MJ condom. Available on eBay, it’s blue, made of rubber, and “100% authentic!” Well, we should hope there isn’t a market for counterfeit designer condoms, but you never can tell. And should your willy need to be decked out in such a high-end fashion, it’ll only cost you $1.99. Plus, it comes with a very special message from our favorite man himself: “REMEMBER, SAFETY FIRST! XXOO, MARC JACOBS.” The auction ends on August 11., so get those bids in! Though if you win it, you may be accused of being a label whore (not that we’re judging).

Amina Akhtar for The Cut

Editor’s Note: You can get the protectors at the Marc By Marc Jacobs store on Melrose, where we spotted a heaping bowl full. The designer prophylactics are only $1.50 at the boutique, a whopping $.49 savings a pop.

Pamper Yourself with Royalty: The Original Condoms – $20 for a box of six.

France’s The Original Condom Company has launched a new line of luxury condoms. So, after going through many, many transformations: dotted, ribbed, flavoured, vibrating and glow-in-the-dark, we now have condoms that come in what is essentially, a jewellery box. A box of 6, which comes with a velvet lining, will cost you $20 (Rs 900). The pocket pack of three comes for $13.5 (Rs 600) and the refill of 12 for $24 (Rs 1077).

Created by French aristocrats Prince Charles Emmanuel de Burbon Parme and Count Gil de Bizmont, these eco-friendly condoms will help you feel you’re doing your bit for the environment. The Original Condom Company’s website says the condom-maker is very aware of its carbon emissions and organises the carbon offsetting of it’s products. Another bonus, according to Count de Bizmont is that it saves a woman from the stigma of carrying a condom in her purse.

Part of profits from the sales of these luxury condoms will be shared with non-profit organisations that fight against HIV-AIDS.

Via Ecorazzi

BONUS: Oh, that’s right! You can now commemorate the wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton with none other than a condom! I can’t think of anything hotter than pulling out an official portrait of these two right as you’re about to get it on, can you?

 

 

• Keith Haring by Proper Attire Condoms –

A truly unique presentation, these Proper Attire Condoms feature three different Keith Haring designs which each correspond to a different Proper Attire condom style: Proper Attire Basic Condoms, Proper Attire Color Condoms, Proper Attire Sheer Condoms. Available as assortments of all three designs in Condom Country packs of 12, 24 and 48, and boxes of 100.

BONUS: Get your groove on a Keith Haring collabo album benefiting the fight for AIDS with Red, Hot + Dance.

 

 

• Isaac Mizrahi x Planned Paranthood

Mizrahi has designed three limited edition sets of packaging for condoms, the proceeds from which will benefit Planned Parenthood. There’s an oversized polka dot print, a pink and white gingham, and a floral, which can be found on both the box and the wrapper (the condom itself is normal).

 

 

 

                 • Jeremy Scott x Lady Gaga in Collabo with Proper Attire

‘It’s not complicated, just a fashion statement,’ said pop star Lady GaGa of the range of condoms she’s designed with Jeremy Scott for the contraception brand Proper Attire. Well, the thing is, condoms are complicated, there’s no getting away from it – perhaps particularly ones that come in bright orange, green and pink animal prints – either ribbed, studded or sheer – and are promoted as ‘making women feel more comfortable buying, carrying and using condoms.’ Now – let’s be clear – all proceeds from the sale of these condoms do go to Planned Parenthood – a very, very good idea – but the campaign still bears some scrutiny.

So, the suggestion here is that women don’t like buying or using condoms because they are ugly. Proper Attire proposes that if only condoms were more aesthetically pleasing – and celebrity-endorsed – women would have a change of attitude towards them. This could be taken as a mild offense to women’s intelligence. It is hard to imagine even the most fashion-conscious amongst us refusing to pick up condoms because of how they look – pale, rubbery, gooey in that non-descript packaging. Animal print condoms created by a fashion icon and a designer, on the other hand, are on a whole different level – a ‘must-have’ as the Proper Attire site states.

If women do buy these designer condoms, are they meant to actually use them for sex, or just carry the box around like the ‘accessory’ they claim to be? Or perhaps even buy up lots to sell on Ebay, or keep them in the attic for a few years until they become a collector’s item? (Discussion of fashion-forward condoms at the 1:40 mark of this Alexander Wang video – Wang is another designer who has done condoms for Proper Attrire.)

 

• Kung Fu Sutra

You get an extra bonus when you buy the Kung Fu Sutra condoms. Instead of just a rubber, you also get an instructional (sort of) illustration of Chinese Kung Fu characters in various positions.

Warning: some of these look like they might actually Kung Fu you to death, Bruce Lee style.

 

 

 

 

• Scotch Whiskey by McCondoms – $8.32 for two packs

There is a new flavor of condoms in town. Whiskey flavored. Ideal for that special woman or man in your life who likes more than their liquor hard. Also perfect for when you need to stop that more casual someone, from sobering up.

Marketed under the name of “McCondom” apprarently they are available all over pubs and clubs (bar) toilets around Ireland and Scotland.

If you are so inclined you can purchase them here.

 

 

 

       • Safer Multiple Orgasm Kit by NARS – $37

Safety is good of course —but I wonder if those French crazies have gone to far? I was browing along Sephora.com looking at what kind of fun things are available when I came across the Nars Safer set. For only $37, you can have your very own Orgasm Multiple. And two NARS condoms. Designer condoms. Now THAT is a new area of diversification for our very own Sephora!!! The good news is that A portion of the sales benefit Amfar programs to promote global safe sex education initiatives.

But then there’s the Safest set that you’re sure to love even more. Thsi one has a Orgasm multiple and a “little black book of ways to say no and let our wannabe lover down easy. But the ORGASM is included to deliver a peachy flush anda s himmery accent to eyes, cheeks, and lips. Proceeds to Anfar as well.

Featuring two condoms and a Multiple in Orgasm

Okay, I know, it’s all for a good cause and everything to promote global safe sex education initiatives (a portion of the sales go to Amfar programs), but the underlying meaning of the set confuses me a little.

You have sex (safe sex, mind you), but can’t really get your kit off, so you use the Orgasm to look like you had?

Curious? Check them here!

 

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